i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
