i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize