did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
