someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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