if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
