I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
