Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
