True but thats because hes a fetus.
Soap is not a condiment
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
