Nicole vs. Life
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
