I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
