Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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