I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
