She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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