24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
