One girl and one boy is just not enough.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
