some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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