i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
