A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
We left an ass print on the piano.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
