Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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