I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
