Don't make out with my wife yet
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
