Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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