I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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