I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
