Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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