Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
