i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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