No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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