sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Is Oprah even human
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
