I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
