My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
