We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
This is my gift to your gina
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
