I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
