Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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