I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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