Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
