I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
