Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
