I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Randomize
