too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
