lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
