Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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