1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize