thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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