You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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