eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
