About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
