Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
