He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize