i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Is that strawberry winking at me??
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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