3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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