I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
So much rum. So many feels.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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