What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
