My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
At least life still wants to fuck me.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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