I bet he comes in French.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
