The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
