Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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