i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
