Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
