1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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