Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
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