You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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