Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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