I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I want to be your penis for a week.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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