Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize