my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
