i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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