You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
